Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
