Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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