I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
