And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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