Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
