and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
