Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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