My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
