we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We need to get me chipped asap
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize