dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
