i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
