you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
