He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
