Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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