btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
