Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
