i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
