don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
