And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
