I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
