Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
