you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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