So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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