I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
