She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
