kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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