Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize