Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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