yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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