maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
