Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
