you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
