There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
