we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
