I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How does one acquire holy water?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
