No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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