i love accidental penises.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
