Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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