I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
