he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
