My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
