his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
