but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
