You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize