Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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