yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
