you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
