It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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