i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize