That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
