The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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