Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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