You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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