Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
