i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
