just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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