I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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