I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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