Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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