hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
