i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
