sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Randomize
