I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
