I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
