I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
