dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
