Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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