look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
