I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
